renye

Introduction#

I can't remember when I started to particularly enjoy fantasizing about certain things in my mind. Celebrities, singers, people who are great at basketball, all-rounders, aliens arriving while I am an unawakened hero... it seems like it’s all about wanting to show off to be “seen.”
Until one moment I suddenly realized that this had already affected my real life. I often find it hard to focus and can immerse myself in my own world for a long time, even knowing those things are impossible to achieve. But I can't control it, or rather... I don't want to control it.
Any psychological issue starts with awareness of the problem's existence, followed by whether you want to change, and finally the specific measures and perseverance to change.
However, avoidance is the underlying theme of my life.
For some reason, I started to decide to face this issue, just as I didn’t know why I suddenly realized its "downsides" back then. Perhaps it was the pressure of survival, perhaps an awakening to become a better person, or just the primal desire of a person wanting to solve problems. But no matter what, I always remember a crucial point I learned in psychology: psychotherapy is never about completely abandoning your burdens, but rather coherently moving forward with them.
From a positive perspective, it has also given me a proud imagination and perception, adding bricks to my artistic career.
All I need to do is coexist harmoniously with it.

First Impressions#

I remember when I was watching "The Legend of the Ancient Sword," I didn't understand why we should stop Ouyang Shaogong's plan, using the Dream Soul Branch¹ to let people live a lifetime in beautiful dreams, dying without pain or awareness, isn’t that good? The Infinite Tsukuyomi in "Naruto" is the same; why stop it? The real world is so terrible.

Such confusion has always existed in my heart. No matter how many books I read and how much I appreciate the value of the real world and existentialist thoughts, I cannot erase my longing for a digital life. I think I would leap into that Brave New World² without hesitation.

I can't remember when I started living with this daydream, at least since elementary school.

Back then, I would fantasize about living in a happy, wealthy family. This way, I wouldn't have to face the daily quarrels, beatings, control, and brainwashing at home... This made me feel very "manic" for a while (not manic-depressive, but I would act strangely due to irritation). At my most extreme, I was even angry at myself for not having multiple personalities... I wouldn't have to envy others who could have a bowl of steaming beef noodles at the school gate in the morning while I could only wake up early to take the bus, gnawing on a 50-cent steamed bun, walking 3 or 4 kilometers home just to save some money to buy spicy strips. I fantasized about having a computer and a phone, so I wouldn't have to feel a bit "lowly" when I wanted to play and had to please those who owned these things. I imagined filling out those miscellaneous forms without feeling disgusted, uncomfortable, or inferior upon seeing words like father, workplace, or rural household registration. I fantasized about being able to join others in discussions about travel after the summer vacation; I still remember the radiant expression on the face of the person in front of me when they turned around to talk about their travel experiences. When others talked about their elders and family, I wondered if I would receive the same love if my grandparents were still alive.

I fantasized about being strong. Although I had never been bullied, I particularly hated those who bullied others, and I was very weak at that time, so I feared that the loss of one would lead to the loss of another, affecting the innocent. I wanted to stand up, but it was hard to even protect myself.

I fantasized about being handsome, having one or two musical instruments or painting skills, so I could perform in front of a crowd, win that cheer, and enjoy that dazzling feeling of being seen. At that time, the love I didn't receive from family and the friendship that was too "pure" for children led me to inexplicably invest in the elusive "love" for quite a long time.

In fact, everyone has experienced these things to some extent; they don't affect much and can even bring some motivation and comfort, mostly fading away with age and mental maturity. However, when I reached middle and high school, there was no sign of it diminishing; instead, it intensified with the growth of knowledge and the broadening of horizons. But most of it was just a reflection of those fantasies, merely expanded in form, while the essence remained almost unchanged.

In my current memory, I first realized the seriousness of the problem in high school, when I spent more than two hours almost every day indulging in it, whether walking, eating, attending class, or before sleep... it was all-encompassing. However, due to the immense pressure of exam-oriented education during that time, I just let it be, often feeling fortunate to escape into that little world.

Daydreamer#

After entering university, I experienced many things. I began to reflect on this issue and stumbled upon a movie called "The Secret Life of Walter Mitty"⁵:

Seeing the protagonist immersed in fantasies in the first half of the film, I exclaimed that I was living in another world, and because I had never talked to anyone about this, I felt particularly ashamed and embarrassed. At that time, I hadn't searched for anything related online. My first feeling was that I realized I was not alone, and I was suddenly moved to tears, feeling like I had found a kindred spirit.

For a while, I was obsessed with psychology and read a lot, but I felt there was very little discussion on this topic; either it was some very fragmented information or others' experiences shared, with no dedicated research or theories to refer to. I was like a headless fly searching aimlessly. It might also be that my thoughts on solving the problem were not firm at that time. But this is the downside of modern internet—information disparity; it's not that there is none, but that it cannot be found. In the end, it also came to nothing.

Until November 2024, things took a turn.

Podcast#

I accidentally came across a podcast on Bilibili, but I must have seen similar podcasts, videos, and articles before. For some reason, this time I suddenly wanted to truly face this issue and change.

I combined the content of the podcast with my own experiences and summarized the following points.

Definition and Current Research Status of Maladaptive Daydreaming#

Maladaptive Daydreaming (MD) refers to: ① Individuals spend a considerable amount of time daydreaming. ② Uncontrollable addiction. ③ It affects real life: not wanting to leave daydreams for reality and feeling fear, panic, or avoidance about it, or feeling that real life is disrupted, making it hard to focus on what should be done.
Of course, there are also healthy daydreams; the difference lies in the duration, controllability, and emotional feedback from the individual. (This is my own definition!!!)

Clinical perspectives and scientific basis: Researchers previously considered this a type of dissociative disorder, but the latest DSM-5 has not included it as an entry due to the following reasons:

• It is too new, and there is not enough data and research to regard it as a commonly existing symptom.

  • The concept of MD was first proposed by Professor Eli Somer in 2002³.
  • The scale for MD, 16 item maladaptive daydreaming test⁴, was only proposed in 2016.
  • A study in 2022 indicated that the prevalence of MD in the population is about 2.5%.
  • A 2021 study on college students found that 34.3% of participants were identified as having MD (which is quite high).

• Most professionals believe that MD is merely a symptom; it does not clearly represent a psychological disorder. It is not the root of a psychological issue but just a manifestation. For example, it could be a "complication" caused by loneliness, depression, trauma, etc.

• Excerpted content can be found at: https://daydreamplace.com/why-isnt-maladaptive-daydreaming-in-the-dsm/

Related Research#

The developers of the aforementioned MDS-16 scale formed a group called ICDMR (The International Consortium for Maladaptive Daydreaming Research), and here is their official introduction:

This is an informal network of scientists interested in MD research. We come from all over the world, sharing knowledge and skills to advance the field. On the ICMDR website, you can find scientific publications about maladaptive daydreaming, assessment tools for MD, media, and other sources reporting on MD.
Official website: https://daydreamresearch.wixsite.com/md-research

Here are some studies for reference:

• One paper found: Adults with MD symptoms often had very creative childhoods. There is a correlation between adverse childhood experiences and becoming an MDer. When your childhood situation is very bad, bleak, and difficult, with stress and a lack of autonomy or sufficient independence to escape, you find a private internal escape place, which often is your mind, thoughts, and dreams.

• A 2022 study in Finland pointed out a strong correlation between MD and "how terrible we perceive the world." Participants' daydreaming time increased with their stress levels.

  A 2021 study in India indicated that lonely individuals spend about 4-7 hours a day on MD.

  • These two studies explain why the incidence of daydreaming and other forms of dreaming has increased over the past decade. Because our generation of young people is more pessimistic and lonelier than ever, and the real world feels both dreamy and dark. We seem to have many choices, and our dreams can be anything we want, but it also brings new dilemmas—escaping reality has indeed increased.

• A study from Harvard University indicated that no individual with MD has been completely treated because it is so personalized and individualized.

Emotional Analysis#

Why Does MD Form?#

At its core, it is a form of escaping reality—“Well, I can’t do anything about it, but maybe I can minimize the trauma caused by this experience.”
This is also our brain's self-rescue at the instinctual level of survival. When situations are particularly bad, everyone needs such moments of escape, perhaps through the companionship of a loved one, support from family, gaming, or drinking... It’s just that some people happen to develop MD; these escape methods are not superior or inferior, the key is in being Maladaptive. We need to view the problem dialectically, rather than with a one-size-fits-all approach.
Saying this, I actually feel quite lucky; I haven't picked up any bad habits. Although MD does bring me a lot of trouble, it has also brought me benefits.

Personalization and Individualization#

“I don’t feel like I belong to this world, so I created my own. My sub-universe feels more real than my real life; I don’t escape my daydreams; they are my home. The so-called real world that others talk about is just a place I visit from time to time.”
——Comment from a user on Reddit

Through this extreme example, we should understand that for people with MD, there is a clear divide between the imagined world and reality. We should adopt an inclusive and broad-minded attitude towards this, rather than mocking, criticizing, or idolizing others through this extreme case.

The activities of the inner world differ from gambling, impulsive spending, drugs, and video games, which are considered “bad habits” that people will advise against or even forbid you from doing. However, the activities of the inner world have no warnings; only you can realize it, and only you can decide whether to change; no one can help you.
For many, MD is not a bad habit; escaping MD might actually be the real bad habit. Just like many elders of our generation criticize video games, but for those who find solace in gaming, it is their safe haven.

Moreover, the dreams created by people with MD are so vivid and realistic that they can describe numerous details, smells, and sounds...

MD and OCD#

• Maladaptive Daydreaming and anxiety: When we feel particularly stressed, we may use daydreaming to alleviate the moment.
• Maladaptive Daydreaming and OCD: Through this unconscious protective mechanism, we can retreat to this mental safe haven at any moment.

Vicious Cycle#

We experience negative emotions or thoughts, which lead us to want to escape through daydreaming, and this further deepens the gap between us and the real world (time cost and regret or guilt for not doing what should be done), ultimately making it easier for us to daydream... thus forming a vicious cycle.

Additionally, generally speaking, people with MD feel pain and discomfort when leaving their daydreams, making it even harder for them to escape. It’s like you are dreaming of a date with your crush, only to be suddenly awakened by the alarm for work; you want to continue that dream, even if just for a moment.

Embrace#

Having said all this, most of it discusses the negative and harmful aspects of MD. But I truly believe it has given me a lot as well.

When home is always filled with quarrels, beatings, and control, I can wander off and forget those painful memories;

In boring, rote classrooms, under the extreme pressure of exam-oriented education, I can freely imagine, which gives me a lot of breathing space and sometimes even leads to reflection;

It has had a very important and profound impact on my art. Although I often feel regret, guilt, and pain for my extravagant ideas that I cannot realize, it has also given me boundless imagination, bringing me many novel ideas in writing, music, street dance, and imagery. It sometimes makes me a bit arrogant, but it also fills me with courage and confidence to realize my ideas without caring about others' opinions—because I think my ideas are particularly brilliant, it gives me the confidence that all I need to do is realize those ideas.

I still love the world that has hurt me and that I have hurt

How would it feel, tell me how would it feel

To be treated as an opponent by this world, once pursuing each other

You, this genius, destined to be in a dilemma, accompanied by misunderstanding.

——"Incompetent Genius" by Wang Yitai

But in fact, I am nothing, hehe (●'◡'●)

Improvement#

What we actually want is to regain control over reality, making it work for us, even if it is a more difficult choice.

Some very interesting research has found that when you intentionally spend time each day imagining your life, the goals you want to achieve, and the steps you want to take, rather than engaging in that unorganized daydreaming, you are likely to make greater progress—you feel more purposeful, and your actions align more with the final outcome, as your inner self is inspired by this possibility, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy⁶.

Question: When do you enter a period of uncontrolled daydreaming?
When in a stressful environment? When meeting certain people or experiencing certain events? After a long day of hard work? When you are alone and feel lonely?

Step 1 Awareness and Recognition#

I believe and truly realize that MD does not occur without reason; it may even arise naturally, just like suddenly daydreaming (I am not attacking you or doubting your "pretentiousness"; I know how hard it is to be questioned, so please believe me!!! (●'◡'●)).
But in reality, it usually has some roots, such as stress, boredom, disappointment, loneliness, etc., pushing us into this safe haven. We encourage you to find such roots because once you recognize them, you may be able to identify these situations and come up with alternatives in those contexts, instead of continuing to indulge in daydreaming. For example, exercising? Taking a walk? Chatting with friends? Singing and eating?

Step 2 Hope and Vigilance#

Importantly, this allows you to truly consciously and deliberately calmly think and find a way out for yourself. Is this really the life I want? Is my life about engaging in such “creation”? This is a glimmer of hope we can grasp, a hope that at least gives us the possibility of change. You can change your life; you can do something, rather than just continuing to indulge or fleeing from it as if it were a flood, but rather being able to use it when needed. This is the second step, vigilance.

Step 3 Act Lightly#

Next, you can consciously evaluate your daydreams—what is possible? What is completely impossible? If possible, what should I do to make it better? You can try to focus more on real things, putting all your energy into reality, all you need to do is realize those ideas. You can make a 5% change; you won’t immediately notice the feedback from the change, just like you won’t see the hour hand moving on the clock. On the other hand, doing something within your capabilities can boost your confidence, rather than always thinking about extravagant things and feeling regret and guilt for not being able to achieve them.
No one can cure an individual with MD, as the research from Harvard University pointed out, because it is so personalized and individualized. You must become your own hero.

Ending#

I still often fall into that gentle realm, but I no longer linger excessively. Modern society is too complex; finding a moment of peace in my little world is not a bad thing. It has become the material that enriches my spiritual world, coexisting with me, and with the Lord.

Daydreaming · lisalily,
Endless · endless.

Fallen petals are not heartless, turning into spring mud to protect flowers further.

References#

[1] Dream Soul Branch
The Role of Dream Soul Branch in "The Legend of the Ancient Sword" · Baidu Know

[2] Brave New World · Douban
Brave New World · Douban Read

[3] Somer, E. (2002). Maladaptive Daydreaming: A Qualitative Inquiry
Maladaptive Daydreaming: A Qualitative Inquiry

[4] 16-Item Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale
16-Item Maladaptive Daydreaming Scale

[5] The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty · Douban Movie

[6] Self-fulfilling Prophecy
Self-fulfilling Prophecy